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My mom
Eh, just need to vent. Talked to my mom a little while ago. She called and was obviously drunk or just about. I've tried talking to her and letting her know how I feel about it before. I even wrote her a long letter months ago. She's been drinking since she was pregnant with me. Yes, she drank while pregnant. Two beers, which is two too many when you're pregnant. These days it's 12 packs and then some. I guess lately it's been worse than what it used to be. Of course this bothers me. I want her to be healthy...But she doesn't want it for herself. I know I can't force her into giving alcohol up, but I really wish she would. She likes to argue and pick fights when she's drunk. So, she'll call me and start on that. With everything that's going on with work and wedding and having no money, that's the LAST thing I need. I wouldn't even need that if I had absolutely nothing going on. UGH! I know she doesn't see any of this. It's impossible to talk to her when she's like that. What can I do from way out here? Nothing! What can I do from NY? Nothing! She's not ready and may never be ready to admit she has a drinking problem. She stopped for like 3 months last summer, which was GREAT. I got to see her with no alcohol in her and she was pleasant. I sent her cards of support to let her know that I was thinking about her. Then, we had to come back to NM and has been off and on every since. She blames it on me leaving NY when I was 18 years old. She blames everyone around her. It's everyone's fault except hers- another form of a problem! I know it's a disease. I know there's no cure. I also know that will be what kills her. It just hurts to see her like that. I don't want to stay there when we go there to get married. I wish there was some other way. I can't stay in that house and watch her drink all day and all night. I can't! I did it all my life...It hurts so bad to see her like that. She doesn't love herself enough to get help. She knows it's not something she can do on her own. She knows I love and support her, but it's not enough. My dad isn't going to help her. I think he's given up on her as well as my uncle. They don't say anything to her, because they don't want to argue. Best believe if it comes up there will be some furniture moving up in there. So, he usually buys it for her when he gets home. Which is like the WORST thing he can do. It's just a shame. A shame that she isn't thinking about herself. I just wish I could have my mom again. :( In a perfect world, I would.
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