Mama's Corner

I haven't updated my blog in a long time. Recently, I've been inspired to do so. So here it goes: A lot of changed and happened since I last wrote something here. The most dramatic change was loosing my father. He passed away on March 12, 2008 in the morning in our Newburgh, NY home. He died in my mom's arms and mom said he looked so peaceful. Here's the thing: My dad wasn't sick for more than a few days in his life at a time. He was always the strong one. The one who can handle anything. My dad was sick with the flu for 2 weeks before his passing. He died of a stomach aneurism. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm sure my mom can say the same thing. The morning of the 12th I got a phone call from my mom. She left a message on my machine. Charles, gets up before me and got the message. He woke me up and said to call my mom. I asked, why? Everything ok? He answered, "I don't know her message said to call." My heart was beating fast. I knew she wouldn't have called me for nothing. I thought to myself, I hope everyone is okay! I thought it could have been my uncle. He's always in and out of the hospital. It was an awful thought. Mom answered and told me that she had to call 911 for daddy. I panicked, I asked if he was okay and what happened. She told the awful story that I can not bare to write. She told me in detail about my dad falling over on the bed and turning blue. They worked on him for 15 minutes and nothing. I was crying and she told they were going to take him to St. Luke's. I screamed, "St. Luke's? Ma, you know people go in and never come out!!!" I was angry. She said that it had to be the closest one. I asked was he alert? She said no. She didn't tell me at this point that she thought he had already passed. She led me to believe they were going to work on him at the hospital. My heart was broken. I told her to call me when she hears something. I sat on the edge of my bed and cried. Charles hugged me and asked what happen. As I repeated what she told me he said, "Keep a positive mind. Your dad is a strong man!" I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed and I prayed. I prayed for the Lord to do his will. I prayed that my dad wouldn't be in pain. I prayed and surrendered to my Heavenly Father. I told Him, You're in control Lord. You know what You're doing and I trust You. I had visions of my dad's hand dangling. I saw the size of his hand and I could even see the nail bed. I could see it just as if it was in front of me. I kept seeing it over and over in my head and didn't know why. What did that mean? I had the worst thoughts in my head about planning a funeral. I told myself it was the devil trying to break me in my weak time. I couldn't shake the thoughts. I was dazed and wanted to be there in NY. I sat on my bed as Charles got the kids ready for school for 30 min. I couldn't move. He took the kids to school and I decided to go to work. I thought to myself I can't sit around and wait for the phone to ring. I drove myself to work and an hour later I got a call from my mom. My phone was vibrating inside my jeans pocket and knew I had to pick it up. I was on the phone with a customer about her order. I was done with her and she kept asking me questions. I had the urgency to want to hang up on her. I asked her, "Anything else I can help you with?" over and over. She finally got the hint and let me go. I ran off the floor and called my mom...once.....nothing.....twice.....nothing. Why isn't she picking up? I call her cell, nothing. I call the house phone and FINALLY she picks up. She said, "Hillary-Daddy passed away!" I dropped to the floor in the middle of the hallway and screamed, "NOoooooooooooooo" I don't remember much after that. I know there were some other associates calling my name and I was just broken. My supervisor came and scrapped me off the floor and brought me to my feet. She took me into a side room and I finished my convo with my mom. Everything after that is a blur. I know my supe held me and I had only known for maybe 2 weeks by then (we which supervisors all the time) and I just couldn't think. Of course I left work. I called my hubby and he drove 35 min. from his job to pick me up. I waited in the lobby by myself. The only person in the same room was the security guy who my back was to. It seemed like hours before Charles got to me. We went home in my car and he left his at my job. I remember sharing with Charles my visions and thoughts that I had that morning. How awful I felt to even be thinking of them. Was that God preparing me? Did I know he has passed before my mom told me? Ya know what she said, "Hillary you should have seen his poor arm hanging from the stretcher when they carried him out of the house." Is that what I saw? I dunno, but I saw his hand in my head and couldn't shake it. The worst day of my life. We got on the lap top and pc and the phone when we got home. We called (I say "we", but it was Charles) He called at least 10 different airlines to try and get deals to fly there. We left on the 13th at 6am to be with my mom. The worst trip I have ever taken. I was a mess. I couldn't think straight and I didn't know what was going on. I prayed for strength and asked other people to pray for me as well. My dad was a great man. He helped so many people and touched so many lives. People I didn't know came up to my mom and I and told stories that were just amazing. He was so giving. I was blessed to have him as my dad. The Lord needed him more than I and called him home. He lives in me and in my heart and I will never forget him. He rests in Orange County Veterans Cemetery where he had a nice service. His real home is in Heaven and doing God's deeds.