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Disturbing Phone Call
My mom is drinking, again. She went for about a month with out drinking. Yesterday, in the middle of the day I thought, wow I wonder if she can last until the wedding? It was like, sub-consciously I knew she wouldn't. Sure enough today I was right. This is a case where I don't want to be right though. Her disease effects everyone around her. She doesn't understand that. She calls and disrupts my whole day. Now I'm in tears and just off track. I tell myself not to let it bother me...To think of other things, to stay focused on the wedding. I still sit here in tears wondering, when will she get it through her head? She didn't learn anything from her Aunt...She was a smoker and recently she was in the hospital for pneumonia. She's now on oxygen and they're around the same age. She spent some time with her last week in NY. My mom was in shock at how bad she looked, was on oxygen, and the whole nine yards. Don't you think that would make you look at yourself? I mean, HELLO! She's not a smoker, but reality is reality!!! Even though she wasn't drinking when they spent time with each other, but 1 week later she is. She needs a wake up call. She won't get it until she hits rock bottom. It's just a shame. I hate talking to her when she's like that. I absolutely hate it. She ignored the fact that she was drinking again and was just yelling at me to talk to her about the wedding. I said, "For what? Tomorrow you won't remember a thing!" It's true! I'm just so tired of holding this all in. So tired of not talking to anyone about it, because it's "embarrassing"... When you're younger you ARE embarrassed! You don't talk about it, because no one's mom is like that! So, you hold it in and you pray she stops. I'm tired! I'm so tired of doing that. I refuse! Why should I have to hold this all in? I shouldn't! I'm not going to! I can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself. I leave it up to God. I give my problems to God and just hope and pray.
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I know this. It still effects me though. She still calls and adds stress. I can tell her not to call me when she's like that, but I don't know how much that will help. Right now, I just want to get better with these spasms...it's awful and very painful. No more stress...not even from her.
Love you too.
Posted by
Hillary |
7/08/2005 10:32:00 AM